


open your heart up (and let me inside it)

by makx



Series: open your heart up [1]
Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F, it was never meant to be more than a few thousand words long but alas 12k words later.., plot what pl- oh wait there's actually some kind of plot, really it's just my take on how they got together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-30
Updated: 2017-12-09
Packaged: 2019-02-08 15:08:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12867174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/makx/pseuds/makx
Summary: The two times it came to nothing, and the one time it didn't.OrChristen and Tobin never seem to meet at the right time.Maybe all they need is six years to fix all that.





	1. 2009

The first time it happened they were young and slightly intoxicated.

Christen loved her soccer team, absolutely adored them. It didn’t take her long to bond with most of the Pali Blues from their initial meetings, and already knowing a handful of them through previous teams definitely helped. She loved the chemistry everyone seemed to have with one another; it was strong, and took little time to develop. Basically, it was a dream. A dream team. The connection the Pali Blues had, only grew as they took down team after team on their quest to the championships.

However there was one player on the team Christen found it difficult to connect with. She wasn’t sure if it was because of lack of trying. No, scratch that, she _knew_ it was for lack of trying. The reality was Christen couldn’t help but actively avoid the girl. Her reaction was instinctual, and it frustrated Christen to no end that she couldn’t figure out why it was _instinctual_.

As the season progressed, Christen reasoned with herself that her ongoing-avoidance was probably because the girl was _the_ Tobin Heath. Tobin was magic on the pitch, and renowned for it. Her talent had already cemented her a spot on the senior national team the previous year, and every time Christen saw Tobin play she could tell why. Christen figured Tobin’s reputation and talent had simply made Christen a bit intimidated and maybe a little starstruck. It was only natural.  

The self-determined _intimidation_ Christen felt for Tobin didn't however stop Christen from sneaking glances of the girl from afar. Because it made _complete_ sense to Christen that whilst she couldn’t cope being alone in the same room with Tobin, she still wanted to study the girl.

So Christen watched her, snuck glances of her, in an attempt to — as she had constantly reminded herself — figure out how Tobin’s brain worked to make her so damn good at soccer of course. Yes, her reasoning made absolute sense. It was valid.

It eventually became a habit of Christen’s to actively seek Tobin out whenever there was a buffer of teammates between them. Such as during team meetings, or team trainings and even games —  when her mind really ought to have been anywhere _but_ solely on Tobin. Unfortunately for Christen, it meant it wasn’t uncommon for her to get caught looking at the girl, _by_ the girl, during those situations. Resulting in wide eyes and reddened cheeks as Christen would shrink away out of Tobin’s line of sight.

It wasn’t until Christen was forced to be near Tobin for their USL W-League championship game in Maryland that she finally had to face up to her starstruck dilemma and interact with Tobin.

Coach Naimo had told the team he wanted to change a few things up for their game against the Washington Freedom Reserves, explaining it was in an effort to solidify the team’s connection. Christen didn’t miss the way their coach turned and looked directly at her and then at Tobin when he notified the team. His look made her stomach drop. She silently prayed that what he had in mind wasn’t what she was dreading. _More drills with Tobin._

It turned out it wasn’t what she was dreading.

It was worse.

 _Much_ worse.

She wanted to _d i e_.

*********

Christen tugged at her suitcase as she grudgingly walked towards her allocated hotel room. She had long since scrunched up the piece of paper which listed her room number and a different roommate than usual. To Christen, the paper was a joke written by the Devil himself. _Course_ she was rooming with the one person on the team she could barely be in the same room as. _Course_ it had to be Tobin Heath.

Christen knew their coach had seen her lack of interaction and chemistry with Tobin, and was trying to rectify it.

It was beyond painful to Christen the amount of times he had paired them up together during drills and trainings as the season progressed. The two girls barely even looked at one another during the sessions; they were both awkward, and Christen always found the specially-paired sessions a waste of time.

Christen wished their coach had already dropped the issue being so far into the season. Because sometimes people just can’t find that — more often that not —  _elusive_ connection. And if they hadn’t found it by the second to last game of the season, they _sure as hell_ weren’t about to find it the night before their final game. It was ridiculous to even consider.

Christen knew Tobin was by no means helping with their connection issues either. Definitely not off the pitch anyway. _Especially_ not off the pitch. Sure, Christen avoided Tobin, but she did it politely, by making it as innocent and low-key as possible. Tobin on the other hand, would overtly limit any type of interaction. Hand-shakes were made with a face full of displeasure, as if she didn’t want to touch Christen’s hand. Eye-contact during forced interactions was limited, with Tobin looking anywhere but at her. And celebratory hugs from Tobin after Christen scored? Nope. Never happened.

Initially Christen put the mannerisms down to Tobin just being a jerk. But after watching her for a while she had realised the girl didn’t treat anyone else like she did Christen. So she had talked the issue over with a few teammates but they had simply reassured her that the girl was just shy and slightly socially awkward at times. Mostly though, they told her that she really shouldn’t take it too personally.

Too bad she took everything too personally. 

Christen shook her head free of the mess-of-interactions Tobin and she had encountered all season as she swiped herself into the hotel room. Holding her breath, Christen prepared herself for what or _who_ was potentially on the other side of the door. What first greeted her however was not the dreaded midfielder, but simply Tobin’s suitcase, which sat by the bed nearest the door. Tobin, herself was nowhere to be seen. Christen had never been more grateful in her life. The less time she had to spend encased in the same room as the girl, the better.

The forward successfully went about her entire night-time routine without having to interact with her roommate once.

Tobin arrived right before their set lights-out time, barefoot and wearing an oversized t-shirt and pair of shorts.

“Hey.” Is all Tobin said before heading into the bathroom to brush her teeth. She didn’t say any more either when she returned and hopped into bed.

The room plunged into an awkward and uncomfortable silence.

Christen squeezed her eyes shut, hoping she could convince her body she was in fact exhausted and ready to succumb to semi-unconsciousness. But her thoughts were racing, she was a big slab of human stress, and her mind was hyper-awake. Sure it didn’t help that the person who made her feel slightly uncomfortable and awkward all season was lying only a few feet away from her, but that was the least of her worries as she continued to turn over thoughts of her upcoming game in her mind.

Rolling onto her side, Christen tried to find a more comfortable sleeping position. She soon realised her mistake however. The new position meant she had a painfully unobscured view of Tobin, and the girl's fingers which silently tapped away on her blanket-covered stomach. Christen quickly rolled onto her other side, internally cursing herself for not thinking before she had initially repositioned herself. Facing the girl all night was the _last_ thing she wanted. However in her new position, the bright city lights lit up her closed eyelids due to ineffectiveness of the so-called curtains, which merely meant she had more of a reason to not be able to sleep.

Defeated, Christen huffed as she returned to lie on her back.

“You know.. I used to find it difficult to sleep before big game days too.”

Christen’s eyes shot open at the sound of the barely audible-whispers. The words were so hesitant and quiet, Christen wondered if she had imagined them.

“I finally figured out how to get over it though.” The words were whispered with a bit more certainty.

Christen’s heart sped up as she realised Tobin was in fact talking to her. If her mind wasn't racing before, it sure was then. She was frozen, paralysed.

From the quietness of the whispers, Christen gathered that Tobin was giving her an easy out if she didn’t want to converse, allowing her to pretend that she was in fact asleep. However, irritated by her inability to get some shut-eye, and figuring talking to someone about her nerves could actually help, Christen decided to take the offered olive branch and reply in equally-as quiet whispers.

To Christen’s surprise, they fell into a reasonably comfortable conversation, turning over to face each other as their talk progressed.

They begun by discussing Christen’s nerves, with Tobin correctly identifying it as the reason to Christen’s very awake state. Christen initially found it difficult talking about the worries she carried; she didn’t want to let Tobin in on her secret that she never felt like she was good enough. But Tobin’s encouraging nods, made her feel at ease, made her feel safe, made her want to continue. 

Christen told Tobin everything, let her secrets spill from her lips, and Tobin listened, and nodded along like she completely understood, and maybe she did. Then Tobin offered her own advice.

Conversation flowed as they both ended up discussing the game, their hopes for the future, and their shared love for soccer, until words became mumbled and full of yawns.

Tobin fell asleep first, after first promising Christen she’d try help her score a goal the next day, her cheeky grin on full display. Christen told Tobin she was more than capable to score her own goals in mock-offence, however she secretly revelled in the idea, enjoying whatever friendship they may have just begun.

Christen easily fell asleep soon after her roommate. Her nerves had mostly dissipated from their discussions, and a smile had etched its way onto her lips.

During the game the next day, with crowds cheering and everything on the line, as promised, Christen watched as Tobin did her best to get Christen her goal, keeping her promise. Christen didn’t manage to score in the end. It didn’t matter though. The Pali Blues defeated their opponents 2-1 to become the 2009 USL W-League Champions.

After the game, the winning team went back to their hotel rooms to refresh and change into party-appropriate attire for some late night celebrations. They all ended up at a building around the corner from their hotel, sneaking in drinks and planning to have a fairly wild night. The team staff and managers even turned a blind eye to the underage drinking of some of the team, because after all the Pali Blues had _just_ won their second Championship title in a row.

The venue they ended up at seemed to have been designed as a _hip_ club for the underaged. The _bar_ at the side of the room only served non-alcoholic beverages — not that it stopped people from sneaking in the alcoholic stuff  — the dance floor was expansive, a live DJ played his tunes on the front stage, and fairy lights danced around the edges of the building for additional decoration — flickering on and off to their timed repetitions.

For the celebrations, both Tobin and Christen had changed into dresses they’d packed at the bottom of their suitcases — having been told earlier by management that regardless of the outcome they would be going out after the game. Christen had slid into a small black number that exposed her toned legs whilst also accentuating her curves in _all_ the right ways, and Tobin had draped herself in a shapeless dark blue dress with a very revealing neckline. Christen hadn’t taken her eyes off Tobin since they’d changed into their dresses, and she knew that Tobin hadn’t taken her’s off Christen either.

Most of the team had taken over the dance floor, dancing away any remaining energy they still had inside. Except for Tobin and Christen, who stood isolated in a dark corner of the building, drinking beer after beer as they continued their conversations from the night before. Christen welcomed the alcohol into her system, enjoying how it helped the two of them converse like it was the most natural thing they’d ever done. Their discussions turned from soccer, to being single, to finally settling on flirtingly complimenting each other’s unique skills and abilities on the pitch.

As the night wore on, Christen watched as the physical and metaphorical space disappeared between the two of them. If anyone would have approached her and said anything about the non-existent space, she was prepared to explain that their physical closeness was due to the loudness of the club — that Tobin wouldn’t have heard what she was saying had they been standing at a usual conversing distance. But she wouldn’t have been able to explain either of their wandering hands. 

Christen found herself growing bolder and more flirtatious the more intoxicated she became. Her hands had ended up mindlessly finding its way towards the beads on Tobin's necklace, which _just happened_ to hang dangerously close to Tobin's very exposed cleavage. Christen knew what she was doing. She loved the thrill of pushing Tobin’s boundaries and even more, enjoyed how Tobin gave it right back to her by ghosting her hand up and down Christen’s bare thigh. Tobin’s fingers made her heart thump out of her chest and her skin heat up. Her whole body was on fire.  
  
It wasn’t until she had begun shamelessly flirting with Tobin earlier in the night had it clicked that she maybe had a rather gigantic crush on Tobin, and maybe in fact she never really was starstruck. And maybe if they'd had tried a little harder during the season with a bit of alcohol in hand they could've easily fixed their lack of chemistry. So many maybes.

Interrupting her musings, Tobin leaned in towards Christen’s ear, further eliminating any space they might’ve just had.

“I can show you some _more skills_ back in our hotel room if you want?” Tobin husked, continuing their flirting conversation of abilities. The words were languid and low, and the forward could hear the grin that punctuated her question.

Christen stifled a snort at the line Tobin had used on her; it was the cheesiest come-on line she’d ever heard.

It was _awful_.

Coming from anyone else she would've rolled her eyes and walked away, but as the line came from a rather attractive brunette who was looking at her with the dorkiest of grins, she couldn’t help but find it slightly endearing.

 _Completely_ endearing.

She blamed the passing thought on the alcohol, because she was _sure_ sober-Christen wouldn't have found the line endearing in the slightest.

Christen watched as Tobin pulled back from her ear, her eyes dark and hungry. She had never felt more attracted to anyone in her life. The girl was hot, unapologetically herself and confident — albeit a bit cocky, although she was finding the latter observation a bit of a turn on in her slightly drunk state, almost enough to make her immediately agree to Tobin’s suggestion. But Christen stopped herself in time; there was something she had to know first.

“You barely talked to me all season.. why now? Why did you avoid me before?” Christen asked, gaze unbroken, as she watched the girl’s face for honesty.

Tobin frowned slightly. “I could ask you the same thing.”

 _Oh she was so_ **_not_ ** _going to turn this back onto her._

“Well.. I asked you first.” Christen replied simply. Ever the child.

“Well..” Tobin began mockingly and then paused, returning the intense stare Christen was giving her, “have you seen.. you?” Tobin gestured towards Christen with her beer can.

 _What?_  

“You’re hot.” Tobin explained almost nonchalantly, shrugging and taking another drink from her beer.

Christen’s eyebrows shot up. That wasn’t what she was expecting. Tobin thought she was _so_ hilarious didn’t she.

“That’s a good joke, Heath.” Christen laughed dryly, also taking a sip.

“What, it’s true? I didn't talk to you all season because you’re like.. _really_ good looking.. so I found you kinda intimidating, hence the avoidance.” Another shrug, another drink.

Christen paused, she saw the earnest eyes, and the realisation hit her, Tobin actually _wasn’t_ kidding. Christen almost choked on her beer. Her face grew hot from the simultaneous realisation and compliment.. and the fact she had consumed her drink the _wrong_ way.

“ _That’s_ why you avoided me?!” Christen asked incredulously, barely managing to cough out the words.

“I mean.. yeah?” Tobin reaffirmed, as if it was the most obvious answer in the world. Christen was still in shock.

A pause.

“Okay, then.” Christen said, finally able to compose herself.

“Okay, then?” Tobin’s brows stitched together.

“Yeah, okay, show me some more of your skills.” Christen grinned, flattening her hand against the skin under Tobin’s necklace, and tracing her fingertips towards her cleavage. She hoped she would be able to distract Tobin enough from the fact she still hadn’t answered her own question.  
  
Tobin’s lips slowly curved into a smirk.

 _Her distraction had worked._  

Christen and Tobin stood in silent lust-filled tension, hands still suggestively touching, as they dared the other to make the first move. To lead them where both were egging the other to go.

Christen wasn’t entirely sure how far Tobin was suggesting to take the night, but in truth she didn’t really care. It didn’t matter to her if she simply meant going to first base or second base. But if she was being honest, third base or going all the way looked more than enticing as she felt Tobin’s hands continue to purposefully slide along her thigh, getting dangerously higher with every upward motion. Tobin's touch felt good, _really_ good.  
  
Christen never generally did one night stands, or even put out on the first night, although it wasn't as if she was overly opposed to the idea if the right person came along. She just generally preferred dating someone and getting to know them well before they ended up in her bed or she ended up in theirs. But.. Tobin was different. Tobin at that moment seemed to be that right person who had come along. Because Christen wanted Tobin in all the ways the girl would offer her. She wanted her right there and then.

She was certain it was the alcohol that was making her so carefree, leading her to rid them of their beers and hastily notify their managers of their plans to leave. She was certain that under less intoxicated circumstances she wouldn’t have so quickly found herself pulling a girl she still barely knew outside and through the cool Maryland air, towards their hotel, fingers intertwined so perfectly. She was certain that if it wasn’t for the roaming hands and sexual tension she’d felt all night she wouldn’t have even considered taking the night further. But she was also certain that sober-Christen would have wanted what was happening, but she just wouldn’t have been forward enough to have made it happen as quickly as it had. She knew exactly what she was doing, as they carefully ventured along the bustling Maryland streets towards the hotel, air heavy and words unspoken.

However the anticipation of what was likely to come only hit Christen as they entered the muted confines of the hotel lobby. The stark quietness of the building compared to the club and the outside unable to act as a distracting soundtrack to her racing thoughts. With longer strides and palms sweaty, they quickened their pace as they headed up towards their room.

Once they'd stepped through the threshold of their hotel room, Tobin’s assault on Christen’s body was immediate. Pinning the taller girl against the wall with her body, Tobin connected their lips, her hands cradling Christen’s face. Christen sighed into the kiss, it was nothing like she'd imagined but everything she realised she wanted.

Tobin was hurried and dominating, setting the pace for the two of them; Christen couldn’t get enough, she was already addicted.

Tobin pulled away from her lips and began nipping and sucking the sensitive skin on the other girl’s neck. Christen’s eyes rolled back from the pure pleasure. The midfielder’s roaming hands found the hem of Christen’s dress and bunched it up as she sought her way towards Christen’s taut ass, caressing and massaging the muscles in her hands, and drawing soft moans from the taller girl. Christen started involuntarily bucking into Tobin’s hips, she wanted more, needed more.

Placing her hands on Tobin’s shoulders, she gently pushed the other girl away, watching as Tobin stumbled backwards, a dazed expression on her reddened face. With enough room to move her arms, Christen swiftly pulled her black dress over her head, revealing a set of simple black underwear.

Christen smirked as she watched Tobin’s cheeks flush even more at her half-naked state.

“Wow.” Tobin managed to breathe out, jaw going slack as she stood raking her eyes up and down Christen’s body. They’d both seen each other in various states of undress in changing rooms — but Christen knew this was _different._  

“Are you just going to stand there staring, or are you going to show me what other skills you promised you had?” Christen asked, her voice so low it was practically dragging on the floor. Christen was enjoying how Tobin was appreciatively looking at her, but her body was growing impatient. She needed to be touched.

Tobin wasted no time in closing the distance between the two again, placing her hands on the newly exposed skin of Christen’s waist and pulling her flush against her.

They made it to the closest single bed, barely. Tobin’s dress, necklace and heels were discarded on the floor, joining Christen’s clothes.

As both of their remaining pieces of clothing were discarded, exposing more available skin to ravish, Christen couldn't hold back. And Tobin damn sure could not either if her ever-roaming hands were anything to go by.

Christen revelled in the way they melded together and worked together so effortlessly. It was almost as if they were perfectly made to fit with each other’s bodies.

Christen’s back arched off the bed as Tobin showed some more of her skills, as promised; Christen promptly returned the favour.

That night they found their chemistry and their rhythm for the first time all season.

The next morning, the forward and midfielder woke up intertwined. Memories flooded back of the previous night, and the promise of, ‘no regrets’ left their lips. They both agreed it was just a one time thing, knowing they wouldn’t see each other much with the likelihood of Tobin’s potential WPS club taking the girls to opposite sides of the country.

Hours later when Christen looked out the the airplane window to see Maryland and its newly created memories slowly disappear below her, a sudden realisation came over her. Christen didn’t want whatever that had just happened between Tobin and her to just be a one-time thing, or even be one of many potential hookups. The actual extent of her feelings for Tobin had become more than apparent, and she knew the previous night had meant a lot more to her than just plain sex.

 

*********

 

The second time it happened, Tobin said it was a mistake and she was just lonely.


	2. 2014

The second time it happened, Tobin said it was a mistake and she was just lonely.

The US Women’s National Team were back together for the World Cup Qualifier games.

Tobin and Christen got along.. kind of. They had their moments where they easily got along, bonding over little things, like nail polish or art or nature or sharing in their similar humour. But they couldn’t a hold a deep conversation with each other, and they wouldn’t consider themselves close friends, or at least Christen wouldn’t. Mostly due to the fact that half the time when they were alone together, Christen would recall that one night of alcohol-fueled passion and how much it actually meant to her, and she would begin feeling somewhat embarrassed.

So Christen kept her distance, which meant the two of them could only be friends on the most lowest of levels. Tobin never mentioned the strange distancing, but Christen was pretty sure she noticed.

At training Christen could see Tobin was struggling. She wasn't herself. No cheeky nutmegs or flashy skills, the usual Tobin was nowhere to be found. It was baffling and distracting and she couldn't help but watch from the sidelines.

“You notice it too, huh?” Cheney asked her, stepping in line next to Christen, both of them in their sweat-stained training gear watching Tobin blast balls into the goal. The goalkeepers had no chance, even when Tobin was off her game.

“Yeah, kinda hard to miss.” Christen replied, knowing they both saw the deadened Tobin in front of them. “Do you know what's up with her, is she okay?”

Christen was worried. The usually chill, carefree midfielder was nowhere to be found.

“You're a good friend Christen, always looking out for Tobin.” Lauren smiled appreciatively.

Christen hadn’t told Lauren about her feelings for Tobin or anyone for that matter, but she’d always felt that Lauren knew more than she let on about Tobin and hers strange and complicated relationship, and more specifically the feelings she had for the number seventeen. Lauren had caught Christen mindlessly watching Tobin more times than she would like to admit, and every time she realised Lauren had caught her she’d see the girl’s eyes twinkle as if she _knew_ something.

“So,” Lauren continued, “you didn't hear it from me but she's been having issues with her girlfriend lately. They called it quits a couple weeks ago and I mean they're probably going to get back together like they always do, but in the meantime, we have to endure _this_ Tobs.”

“Oh, I didn’t know..” Christen uttered. She was genuinely saddened by the news and wasn't quite sure what to say. She hadn’t even considered that Shirley and Tobin had broken up, but it made sense when she looked back over at the empty shell that was Tobin. Breakups generally hurt but factoring Tobin and her big heart into the equation, Christen had a feeling that something like a breakup would be almost brutal for the girl.

“I've tried talking to her about it because usually talking helps her, but I haven't managed to get through to her this time.” Lauren paused, chewing on her bottom lip.

Christen could tell the girl had a question she was itching to ask.

“I saw that you’ve been assigned to the same room as Tobin, and I know you guys have some weird kind of friendship going on where you care for each other from afar.. and you probably already know where I'm going with this but uh..” Lauren rambled on until Christen cut in.

“You want me to talk to Tobin?”

“Yeah if you could, I think it’d help her. I just don't think _I'm_ what she needs right now. I have a feeling she looks at me and sees the relationship she doesn't have. And because I mean you're single at the moment… wait you are still single right?" 

“You think she might be able to relate with me because I broke up with my ex earlier this year?” Christen said a bit more bluntly than intended as she looked back over at Tobin again.

Christen was still a bit sore thinking about her failed relationship. She had liked the girl, like _really_ liked her. They’d clicked almost immediately and the girl was everything that was safe, easy and good for her. But she didn’t think it was fair to the girl that every time she was straddling her, with her fingers deep and thrusting, she couldn’t help but think of Tobin and how she had made her feel that one night in Maryland. She could never get Tobin out of her head. So she had reluctantly called it quits, both of them promising that after a bit healing time, they’d continue being friends, because why waste a beautiful friendship.

Lauren nodded slowly to Christen’s response. “Yeah, maybe. But also because you two have such a good connection on the field, your chemistry is constantly on fire, I thought maybe you could take the connection off the pitch and help her in another way? We need the girl back in tip top shape for the game in two days. Anything you can do will help.”

“Yeah, sure..” Christen sighed as she turned towards her friend, “I'll talk to her tonight.”

As the day wore on, Christen became more and more nervous about the conversation she'd promised Lauren she'd have. She wasn't even sure what she was supposed to say, or if it was overstepping any boundaries they'd silently created between the two. Regardless, she knew Lauren was probably right.

Christen slowly sauntered towards their hotel room after dinner, mustering all of her courage.

“Hey.” Tobin smiled, looking up as Christen walked into the room. Tobin was sitting on the side of her bed, scrolling through her phone, clothes all laid out ready for bed.

Salutations were easy between the girls. Salutations, celebrations and soccer, the three things they were _really_ good at together. However holding deep conversations or anything heavier than light banter was just too uncommon between the girls for it to feel natural, so Christen knew approaching such a personal topic was going to be potentially very awkward.

Making her way towards Tobin, Christen took a deep breath. “Hey Tobin, uh mind if we talk?”

It was obvious to Christen by the way Tobin stiffened that the question had sent alarm bells ringing inside the girl’s head. They never _did_ talk or at least deep talk, which is what Christen’s tone seemed to have implied to Tobin. 

“Uh yeah, sure, what's up Chris?” Tobin replied after a beat, putting her phone down on the bedside cabinet and giving her full attention to the green-eyed girl.

Christen took a seat next to the midfielder, hoping she wasn't about to make things worse for the two of them.

“So,” Christen began as the girls turned to face each other. “It's kind of hard not to notice but.. I saw you were a bit off your game, you uh.. want to talk about anything?”

Tobin paused; Christen could tell Tobin was trying to read her and figure out her angle.

It didn't take her long.

“Cheney sent you didn't she?” Tobin asked, face unreadable.

Christen didn’t expect Tobin to figure the conversation out so easily and for a split second was at a slight loss as to whether she should lie or tell Tobin the truth. She knew the correct answer. “I mean yeah, but I've been worried as well, even before Lauren said anything.”

“We broke up, there's not much to the story, you can run off now and tell your pal, Cheney that.” Tobin bit back, irritation clear in her voice. With that, Tobin turned away from Christen and leapt to her feet, walking over to her night clothes, and moving through her nighttime rituals.

Christen understood Tobin’s disgruntled attitude. _Completely_ understood. But she was worried for Tobin, and she'd made a promise to Cheney that she would try help the girl, so she'd be damned if she didn't at least try to keep it.

“Tobin, no.. it.. it's not like that,” Christen said uncharacteristically stumbling over her words as she stood to be level with Tobin, “we weren't gossiping about you. We're worried about you. We.. I just want to help if I can. Do you.. want to talk about it?” Christen cautiously asked again, knowing she was already treading on thin ice. The conversation was going as awfully as she had predicted, if not worse.

Tobin slowly turned to face Christen. She was stone-faced. Christen’s stomach dropped.

“If you want to help me, you can start by addressing whatever happens between us whenever we’re alone in the same room. I thought we were okay after that night in Maryland, but since then, half the time when we hang out you barely seem to want to talk to me. And then we end up dancing around each other like we regretted _that_ night.” Tobin paused, frustration evident on her face as she returned her attention to Christen. “And fyi, I don't regret it.”

Once again Christen was reminded of Maryland and how much that night actually meant to her. The thoughts rooted her to the spot, lost for words. What was she to say to _that_?

“Unless you.. regret it?” Tobin asked, softening her tone. Christen watched as Tobin slowly approached her, concern growing on her face.

Christen felt defeated. She’d hoped Tobin wouldn’t find a need to bring up the elephant in the room, because she wasn’t sure she would ever be able to lie to her face. She knew if Tobin asked her the right question, she would spill everything. That was Tobin’s effect on her.

“Why would I regret it?” Christen all but whispered, looking into Tobin's eyes as the girl paused in front of her. “If I was to be honest, I’d say it was one of the best nights of my life..”

“Really?” The confusion was more than evident in Tobin's voice.

The two girls looked at each other, open and honest for the first time since Maryland. Once unspoken words were left lingering in the space between them.

“Yeah.. and I know we agreed it would be a one time thing, but every time I look at you or remember that night, I wish we hadn't made that agreement.. made that promise.” Christen continued, realisation dawning on Tobin’s face. It wasn’t the entire truth but she wasn’t lying. “That's why I keep my distance, that's why I dance around you, especially when you’re with.. or were with.. someone else.” Christen said, looking into light-brown eyes, knowing that they'd more than definitely crossed their unspoken boundaries a minute ago.

Silence enveloped the room as Christen watched Tobin’s almost unreadable face.

For a moment, Christen thought Tobin was going to pack up her suitcase and room elsewhere. Somewhere outside of the awkward conversation and situation that was just created. But the midfielder just stood with her eyebrows furrowed, staring at Christen as if cogs were turning inside her head.

“You know, thinking back on it, I wish we hadn't made that promise either.” Tobin admitted after a beat, taking a couple steps closer to Christen, until there was barely any distance separating them. Christen’s eyes widened. She hadn’t expected those words to have come out of Tobin’s mouth. _Did that mean that maybe she had a shot with Tobin?_

“Why didn’t you say anything earlier?” Tobin prodded, her voice calm and steady.

“Why would I have, Tobin? I was embarrassed that I wanted more when we’d promised it was a one time thing.” Christen’s half-truths were emptying out of her one by one.

“There’s no need to be embarrassed about that, Chris.” Tobin said, with the most gentle of voices. Tobin’s hand found Christen’s as she held it in a comforting gesture.

Christen broke their eye contact to look at where their hands joined. The touch was so familiar, she'd missed the feel of her hands on her so intimately, fitting so perfectly. But still, Christen couldn’t help but internally scoff at Tobin’s reply. The last thing she wanted was for Tobin to be patronising towards her. It just made her feel even smaller, even more vulnerable. 

“Honestly, Chris.” Tobin assured Christen genuinely, reaching out with her free hand to find Christen’s other hand. Tobin’s thumb began rubbing circles over Christen’s skin. Christen could tell Tobin was trying to reassure her with the physical contact, however the touches were burning into her skin, setting something alight inside of Christen, something she didn’t need to be set alight at that moment. “Cause I’m not embarrassed admitting to wanting more.”

Christen paused.

_What?_

Nothing about the situation felt remotely real.

Returning her line of sight to Tobin’s face, Christen wasn’t prepared for the look of adoration mixed with want that emanated out of Tobin’s eyes.

It all seemed a bit _too_ familiar to Christen.

A bit _too_ fast.

A bit _too_ cliché.

But all of Christen’s thoughts questioning what was happening and why it was happening came to a stand still as Tobin dropped Christen’s hands and reached upwards to gently cup the sides of Christen’s face.

The taller girl closed her eyes at the sensation. Mouth slightly agape at the welcomed contact.

She couldn’t believe what was happening. She couldn’t believe how good Tobin felt, touching her as she was.

Christen suddenly felt Tobin’s lips ghost over her partially open ones for a moment and pull away. She thought maybe she had imagined it but opening her eyes she realised Tobin was very much in front of her, closer than before, and breathing hard, as if she was trying to control herself from connecting their lips again. She could tell Tobin was giving her a chance to pull away, and she appreciated it. But Tobin’s initial contact with her lips felt like some kind of drug. Christen was left desperately wanting more, needing more. So Christen reached out for Tobin’s waist and pulled the girl in closer. Tobin took the hint and slowly leant in towards Christen.

Their first kiss was soft. And unlike their first night, lips unhurriedly met lips, gently moving against one another.

Groaning into the kiss, Christen deepened it.

Memories of Tobin’s tongue returned. Memories of the way their bodies worked together in a comfortable, familiar rhythm, returned. Clothes were quickly discarded as their pace quickened. Lips fought for dominance and tongues snuck out and joined the battle.

Christen danced Tobin backwards towards the closest bed, their hands and lips not leaving one another. When Tobin’s legs hit the piece of furniture, Tobin extracted herself from Christen, and climbed onto the mattress, lying naked on her back waiting for Christen to continue. Christen didn’t need further prompting, quickly straddling Tobin’s hips and reconnected their lips.

Without warning, Christen pushed a leg between Tobin’s and jerked upwards, earning a gasp from the girl. Christen could feel Tobin's wetness on her thigh, making herself groan in response. But her groan made her come to senses, and remind her of the nagging voice at the back of her head. Sighing, Christen regretfully stilled her actions and pulled back from Tobin.

She didn’t want to rush into something so soon after Tobin’s break up. It didn’t feel right. Especially with the newfound knowledge that Tobin and Shirley would often break up and reconcile.

Tobin opened her eyes, huffing in frustration at the lack of movement.

“Tobin we should probably stop. I just..” Christen began, giving Tobin an apologetic look.

“No, please. I need this, I want you.” Tobin urged Christen, reaching out to the girl in an attempt to pull in her back in. Christen was so weak for Tobin, she almost started giving in. _Almost_.

“I don’t feel comfortable doing this, I don’t know where your head’s at. I don’t know if _you_ know where your head’s at. Are you sure this is what you want right now?” If not for Tobin, she had to say it for herself. She didn’t want to pressure Tobin into doing something she’d thought about on and off for the past five years, and something Tobin had only considered within the last few minutes. It didn’t sit well with her.

“Chris, honestly please. I'm _more_ than okay with this.” Tobin begged, still trying to pull Christen down on top of her and convince the girl to continue. Christen narrowed her eyes at Tobin. She wasn’t entirely convinced. “Please..” Tobin’s eyes were doe-eyed and pleading.

Christen was finding it more and more difficult to say no. But she had values, she had morals and in that moment she felt like she was taking advantage of someone who was just desperately wanting to be touched and held, regardless of the who by. 

Catching Christen by surprise, Tobin flipped the two girls over until she was straddling Christen, a predatory look in her eyes. Christen was too shocked to react and too turned on to protest.  

“If you don’t want to fuck me that’s fine by me. But that’s not going to mean I’ll just stop doing things to _you_.” Tobin growled, dropping her hand down and between the apex of Christen’s legs.

Christen’s eyes widened at the sudden realisation of where Tobin’s hand was heading. Her stomach backflipped. She knew what was happening, she knew that logically she should stop Tobin, but really, she didn't want to.

Christen felt fingers slide through her folds with ease. She gasped at the sudden but expected contact, eyes rolling back at the very welcomed touch. Her face felt flushed, sensations overwhelming. 

“I can tell how much you want this.” Tobin continued, bringing her hand back up between their bodies and placing it to her lips. Christen watched with wide eyes as Tobin wrapped her tongue around her dripping fingers and sucked the digits off, one by one. Christen let out an involuntary groan. “But by all means, tell me you don't want me.. tell me to stop, and I will.”

Tobin dropped her hand, resting it beside Christen’s head and paused, seemingly waiting for a response. Christen knew Tobin would stand by her word and stop if she asked. And Christen knew she could just say _one_ word and it would end things right there.

“I..” Christen halted herself, that wasn’t the one word that was meant to have come out.

She knew that her sexual frustration and the very fit and naked body hovering above her were beginning to impair her decision making. She was trying to convince herself she didn’t want Tobin to fuck her senseless. But she knew a bigger, less rational part of her brain was telling her that was _exactly_ what she wanted.

It didn’t help that Tobin had turned the tables on her. She hated it. She hated being at Tobin’s mercy. She hated letting Tobin have control over her like she had since Maryland.. since even before Maryland.

But Tobin was right.

She _did_ want Tobin.

And letting Tobin have her way with her wasn’t exactly taking advantage of her, was it? Christen’s mind was hazy.

“I want you, please don't stop.” The words were out of Christen’s mouth before she registered she’d even opened it. Another truth escaped from her lips for Tobin’s ears.

“Very well.” Tobin grinned victoriously.

That night Tobin had her way with Christen in every way Christen had dreamed of and some. Her whole body was left feeling deliciously and thoroughly sate.

Christen was pretty sure Tobin managed to get off a couple times on her thigh as well. 

The conversation they were initially meant to have, was long forgotten as pleasure and tiredness took over. 

*********

The next morning, Christen woke up to the sound of Tobin whispering and scrambling out of bed.

“Wait, _espere_! Give me a second!” Is all Christen consciously heard before rolling over to see a fully naked Tobin run into the bathroom with a phone pressed to her ear.

Confused and barely awake, Christen could hear Tobin’s hushed voice inaudibly from the room next door. Deciding to get up herself, Christen pulled on a top and some underwear from her suitcase as she searched around the floor for her phone. Once she found the device she returned to the comfort of her bed and started checking her emails, waiting for Tobin to return. They needed to talk.

Twenty minutes later, Tobin exited the bathroom and started grabbing her day’s outfit from her suitcase.

“Is everything okay, Tobin?”

The words startled Tobin, making her scramble to catch the sports bra she'd just picked up and proceeded to drop from the fright of Christen’s words. Christen bit her lip, stifling her laugh.

“Um yeah, uh, hold up I'm just going to change real quick and then we'll talk, okay?” Tobin replied as she picked up her clothes, covered her naked state with them, and ran into the bathroom. Tobin’s newfound modesty perplexed Christen. Hadn’t they just seen each other naked the night before. 

Returning from the bathroom fully clothed, Tobin placed her phone onto the bedside cabinet and perched on the bed beside Christen, breathing uneven and heavy.

“Look Chris.. Christen, please don't take this the wrong way but um, I think last night might’ve been a mistake.. Can we pretend it didn't happen? I was just lonely and I..” Tobin trailed off, playing with the ring on her finger.  

Christen’s chest grew cold. It was as if someone had taken all the air out of her lungs and replaced it with frost. She had a feeling she knew the reason behind Tobin’s words. She was _pretty darn sure_ she knew.

“Was that Shirley?” Christen said nodding towards Tobin’s phone. Her words were soft and non-accusatory. She didn’t have the heart to attack the girl. If Tobin was regretting the night, it was Christen’s fault. She was to blame. She had no right to be angry at Tobin.

“Um yeah, we're um getting back together.”

Christen was right.

“Oh..” Christen replied, unsure what to say. Her heart felt even heavier with the confirmation of what she simultaneously hoped wasn’t true but knew would be.

“I don't want us to go back to how we were though, okay? I would really love to have you as a friend, a real friend, so we can talk about things and hold actual meaningful conversations.. if um you'd let me that is?” Tobin asked pleadingly, having seemingly found her voice again. 

“I'll.. need some time, Tobin.” Christen replied honestly.

Taking a deep breath in Christen looked away from Tobin. Her eyes began stinging with tears as she remembered her idiotic hopes the night before that _maybe_ she finally had a shot with Tobin. She hated that she was so sexually frustrated that she hadn’t stopped Tobin from touching her, from tasting her, from fucking her senselessly until the early hours of the morning. Just because she wasn’t fucking Tobin herself, didn’t mean she hadn’t taken advantage of her. Christen considered her thoughts for a moment. Maybe she had taken advantage of her? Just the thought of that possibility made her stomach drop.

She looked back up at Tobin, ready to explain herself, ready to apologise for what she'd done. But stopped herself when she saw Tobin’s face fall.

Why was it so upsetting to her that Christen needed time to try overcome her feelings for Tobin? Surely she was more understanding? Then it dawned on her that Tobin still didn’t know the full extent of her feelings. Her response probably made her seem bitter for not being able to have future hookups. _Shit_.

“I'm not saying no, Tobin, I promise. But I.. I need time to process this, what we are and what’s happened between us. Just give me that and afterwards I'd really like being actual friends with you too.” Christen added, reassuring the girl. She was ahead of herself telling Tobin the second part, but if she could wipe away the hints of sadness that lined Tobin’s face by telling a false but potential promise, it was probably worth it.

“ _Really_ really?” Tobin asked looking at the Christen, eyes wide and hopeful, her signature large smile growing.

“Yes, Tobin. _Really_ really.” Christen laughed, amused by Tobin’s child-like reaction. “But I just need to say a couple things now so everything's out there in the open.” Christen anxiously began, watching Tobin nod encouragingly.

“First off.. last night.. was.. entirely my fault. I shouldn’t have taken advantage of you like that, I'm really truly sor—”

“Chris, wait, sorry, I wasn’t going to interrupt,” Tobin began, words gentle, “but you need to know that you didn’t take advantage of me. I wanted last night to happen, I wanted to be with _you_ last night, you could see that, surely?” Concern was written all over Tobin’s face.

“Then why did you say last night might have been a mistake?” Christen was more than perplexed now.

“I.. “ Tobin began opening and closing her mouth as she seemingly struggled to find the right words. “I shouldn’t have used you. I was hurting over Shirley, it was a mistake that _I_ had used _you_ to feel better, because you’re worth _way more_ than that. You mean _way more_ _to_ _me_ than that.”

“Oh.” Christen was speechless once again. She felt her heart flutter. Truth be told however, she was still somewhat confused. She put it down to not being fully awake quite yet. 

“I just.. can we not.. I can’t let Shirley know.” Tobin stammered, words failing her somewhat.

Christen paused, realising what Tobin was asking of her. Her heart suddenly felt heavy, cold. 

“I understand.” Christen eventually nodded. Sure it hurt like hell whatever Tobin was telling her but she would do anything for the girl. Even if that meant pretending a night full of pleasure and hope didn’t ever happen.

“Thanks Chris.” Tobin said, her face relaxing considerably. “Anyways, sorry you said you had some _things_ to say before I so _rudely_ interrupted?” Tobin jested, seemingly in an attempt to lighten the mood.

Christen took a moment to collect her thoughts and emotions again. She felt like she’d psyched herself up way too early since she was interrupted and had to restart, and now she wasn’t sure if she was ready to be honest with Tobin. She knew that really.. she had to, for the sake of any sort of friendship she’d just promised Tobin. She couldn’t keep it locked away and let it eat away at her.

“I need to clarify something with you. When I said earlier I wished we hadn’t made that promise. It’s not just because well.. I mean you're pretty good in bed.” Christen began. She watched Tobin’s face break into a smug grin. _So coy_. “Don’t let it get to your head, Heath.” Christen muttered in response. “But what I really meant was that since Maryland.. I’ve felt something for you. More than _just_ sex. I had.. _have_.. feelings for you… And I realise that it can’t happen and this is probably the worst time to tell you all this. But I couldn’t keep lying to you.” Christen rambled on, uncharacteristically. “I promise I’ll do my best to push those feelings aside though. Because you deserve to be happy with whoever _you_ choose to be with.” Her own words cut herself. She meant what she was saying, every single word. But it didn’t make it hurt any less.

Tobin bit at her cracked bottom lip, as if in deep in thought. Seconds passed and Tobin still hadn’t said anything. Christen began to worry. She could feel her chest tighten and panic take over.

“Thank you.”

Christen eyebrows scrunched together at Tobin’s words. _Thank you?!_

“Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me this. I’m sure it wasn’t easy for you, so I really appreciate it, Chris.” Tobin smiled. Christen was baffled. 

She was even more baffled when Tobin opened up her arms and pulled Christen in for a hug.

The hug was warm and comforting and Christen had never felt more secure.

After getting over her initial confusion and shock, she relaxed into Tobin and returned the embrace, suddenly realising its importance. The hug was a sign of Tobin’s understanding, a promise of a new start, and a reassurance to their agreements.

Maybe they were going to be more than okay.

Maybe they really did have a shot at being actual friends.

 

They played their World Cup qualifier semifinal game against Mexico the next day, winning 3-0.

Christen scored in the 56th minute.

Tobin was the first one to celebrate with her, jumping into Christen’s arms.

 

*********

 

The third time it happened, neither of them wanted to let go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your comments, kudos, subs and just generally reading! :)
> 
> So.. any guesses when the third time will be set? I'll give you a hint. Leather jacket!
> 
> As a side note, did y’all see Kelley call the 2009 Pali Blues squad a dream team or well a “Dreaaammmmm Teaaaammmm” in her retweet yesterday, because I did and died a little having used that exact term in the previous chapter! Was a pretty great squad, eh!


	3. 2015

The third time it happened, neither of them wanted to let go.

For the most part, Christen was able to put aside the blow to her ego and heart until the national team had parted ways. She’d pretended she was okay, she’d put on a facade, she’d focused her thoughts on soccer, and solely soccer. All thoughts of Tobin and whatever had transpired between them _that night_ and the following morning were far from the front of her mind. For the sake of their semi-final qualifiers, it had to be. So it was.

However after returning home, the facade had finally crumbled, and the memories had come flooding back.

The pain was almost _unbearable_.

Heart-achingly unbearable.

For what she wanted but could not have.

She knew it wasn’t Tobin’s fault that the circumstances fell to how they were. Not because she forgave easily, because _oh boy_ she could hold grudges for years, it was more that she liked to live life empathetically. So she understood Tobin was trying to rescue two sinking relationships that particular morning in camp. Unfortunately for Christen however, she was the one who had lost out, Shirley was the one who had come out better off.

She understood, but it still hurt.

The pain remained as the days went by, burying itself deeper down inside of Christen as she attempted to make room for the friendship she’d promised Tobin. She knew they were going to be okay eventually, but it would take time, a lot of it.

A couple weeks after their win against Mexico, Christen had started receiving messages from Tobin, once every other day. They were regarding absurd things Tobin had encountered when she was out skateboarding, or showerthoughts that maybe should’ve _remained_ in the shower. The messages came as a surprise, and Christen was left feeling lost as to what to reply with, and wondering if she could yet mentally cope holding a conversation with the girl who'd fractured her heart. So she didn’t reply to the messages initially, and Tobin never pressured her to. It was obvious Tobin was respectfully giving her the time she’d asked for, but also a way forward through any of her rather amusing messages.

A few weeks after Tobin had started sending the messages, she had decided to bite the bullet and reply. She had to start somewhere, she’d figured, and typing messages into her phone when its recipient was many miles away, and awful at replying, was the most ideal situation.

_What did she have to lose?_

Although Christen had soon realised how erroneous she was in believing Tobin was awful at replying. The girl was anything _but_ awful at it. After Christen’s initial reply, they had ended up messaging each other almost daily, talking about frivolous things to deeper more meaningful thoughts. It was as if they were having one never-ending conversation that continued from one day to the next.

It was through those messages Christen started to discover the plethora of things that they had in common such as their favourite music, their outlook on life and their hopes for the accessibility of soccer in the future. The newly created moments between them, helped bandage up the hurt and subside the heartache which was once so prevalent.

Talking to Tobin and ignoring the feelings she held for the girl was easier than Christen had initially imagined.

She did however slip up a few times whenever they met back up — sometimes catching herself staring at Tobin, or touching the girl more than necessary, or simply acting a bit more flirtatious than intended. The truth remained that Tobin _still_ took her breath away and made her heart race, it was difficult to _completely_ ignore that. But apart from those minor but still somewhat frequent incidences, Christen conversed with Tobin as if they’d been long-time best friends.

Four months after the Mexico game, she was glad she’d promised Tobin she would attempt to be _actual_ friends with her. She couldn’t have asked for a better person to know and have her back.

Eight months on from the Mexico game, they were practically inseparable.

When Tobin had casually invited Christen along to her 100th cap dinner, Christen had finally realised how far they’d come as friends. Especially when she noticed the only other national team member that was at the dinner was Alex, who Tobin had been the closest of friends since well.. _forever_.

The night that Tobin had called her, asking her in shallow shaky breaths — ‘ _at what stage is a relationship no longer worth fighting for?’_ — Christen’s heart had sunk. She’d never heard Tobin so vulnerable, so uncharacteristically timid. Between breathy long pauses, where Christen was sure Tobin was barely holding back tears, Tobin had explained to her that Shirley and she had just drifted apart, that the long-distance was taking a toll on what was once so great, miscommunications and accusations were frequent and painful, and the apologies felt faker the more they said them. Christen wished she wasn’t the person Tobin had turned to for advice. She understood why Tobin had though. Tobin knew about her ex, and her long-distance relationship with the girl. Tobin knew she would understand. And she did. But Christen couldn’t help but feel like her own heart had ulterior motives when she told Tobin — the pain wasn’t worth it, that people often drift apart and it wasn’t either of their faults, it often can’t be helped, it’s just what happens. They were on the phone for hours but only talked for half of that time. The other’s breaths on the other side of the line being the only sign that neither had yet hung up. Tobin had eventually ended the call at three in the morning, whispering — _thank you._

A month after the phone call, Tobin had confirmed she’d finally broken up with Shirley _for good_. She’d told Christen it had been too painful to keep going. Too exhausting to deal with. She had needed Shirley to finally let her go. And eventually after a visit to Shirley, multiple phone calls, voicemails, and texts — Shirley _had_.

Christen didn’t feel elated when she’d realised Tobin was unattached. Tobin’s pain from the tortuous break up had become her pain. Tobin’s tears had become her job to help disappear. She comforted Tobin until Shirley was no longer the first thing Tobin brought up in conversations.

The break up had brought them closer together, but not in a way that Christen had intended. There was an unspoken trust that had formed. And Christen wasn’t going to take advantage of that trust, she knew better from her mistake the year before.

She did however continue to flirt with Tobin, although more purposefully than she had prior to the break up. Tobin didn’t seem to _not_ appreciate it and Christen couldn't help but enjoy watching the girl’s cheeks turn scarlet and the downcast of Tobin's embarrassed eyes from her — at times — _overt_ antics. She couldn’t help but take pleasure in the power she held over the usually chill midfielder, so she never relented it.

 

*********

 

After the final Victory Tour game against China, the team ended up at a bar on Bourbon Street to celebrate. They were all in mostly high spirits, finally finishing the tour, even if their last game didn’t go as they had liked. But with Abby celebrating her final game in the national team, the loss was put to the back of their minds as everyone cheered for their captain for the final time.

Whilst the team happily drank and danced together as a group, Tobin and Christen sat apart from the rest of their teammates sipping on some drink that one of their teammates had ordered for them, promising them — it would help them have a _really_ good time. And to be fair Christen _was_ having a really good time, but it probably wasn’t because of the drink which she had only barely touched. She was simply enjoying being in Tobin’s company.

During their conversations, Tobin started discussing the possibility of meeting up more often during the off-season. Without much thought, Christen had quickly jumped in asking Tobin to join her and her family back in Palos Verdes for a bit. When Tobin had immediately agreed with equally as eager enthusiasm, Christen breathed a sigh of relief, having realised how _forward_ her statement had sounded as soon as the words had left her mouth.

Christen didn't know why she had worried though, considering Tobin had been reciprocating Christren’s flirting all night, through not-so accidental brushing of hands and legs, as they sat deep in a mixture of deep conversations and jesting banter, and Christen was relishing it. She hadn’t experienced _that_ amount of flirting from Tobin since their first night together, and she was trying to savour the memory and feel of every touch that Tobin made. She wasn’t sure the next time she would feel as good as Tobin was making her feel that night.

The two of them stayed by each other the whole night, interacting freely, affectionately, unabashedly.

The night felt different to Christen.

But she had no idea if Tobin could feel it too.

Eventually tired of the loud music and chatter, Christen and Tobin joined some of their teammates who were heading back to the hotel.

As Christen stepped out into the cooler night air, she silently cursed herself for not bringing a coat. The chill bit at her, and she unsuccessfully tried to shake it off. However not a moment later, a leather jacket was draped over her shoulders. A leather jacket which smelt _distinctly_ of Tobin.

Christen turned around giving Tobin an appreciative smile — a silent _thank you_ and _your welcome_ passed between the two of them.

After interacting and taking photos with a few fans outside the bar, the team finally made their way back to the hotel. Tobin’s hand found its way to the small of Christen’s back as they walked down the street, gently leading the way. Christen lent into the touch, attempting to memorise the moment. They didn’t leave each other’s side the entire journey.

When Christen bid goodnight to the last of her teammates entering their assigned hotel rooms, she looked over at the sole person still walking alongside her and silently thanked the management for her rooming arrangements.

Tobin met her eyes, and offered a gentle lazy smile as they continued towards their shared room.

Christen’s heart fluttered.

Returning to the comfort of their sleeping quarters, Christen hummed contently at the warmth of the room. However as she stepped further into the space to bask in the heating, she realised she could no longer justify wearing Tobin’s jacket.

Reluctantly she slid the item off her shoulders and and offered it out for Tobin to take back.

She immediately missed Tobin’s scent.

“Hey, thanks again for the jacket. I know cooler temperatures don’t bother you in the slightest but it was still really kind of you.” Christen said honestly, taking a few steps towards Tobin.

Tobin, seemingly lost in her own little world, turned around to face Christen.

“Oh, don't worry about it.” Tobin shrugged nonchalantly, stepping closer to Christen to collect the jacket out of the offered hands.

As Tobin attempted to take the jacket back she looked up at Christen, brows furrowed. Christen still hadn't let go of the item.

“I have to know Tobs.. did like.. did like tonight feel different to you as well.. or was it just me?” Christen asked, uncertainty laced in her voice. The look of confusion still hadn’t left Tobin’s face. Christen continued. “Between us I mean.. did it.. did you.. um.. you know what, um nevermind..” Christen laughed awkwardly, looking anywhere but at the girl standing in front of her.

Christen realised she'd probably divulged more than enough for Tobin to infer what she was hinting at, so if Tobin hadn't felt the same way, Christen knew there was a good possibility she might’ve just majorly messed up their friendship.

All night Christen was so sure she’d felt the building sexual tension between them. From every glance, to every brush of legs and hands, to every compliment they lathered onto the other, she could’ve sworn it was _more_ than mutual and adding up to _something_. Something that wasn’t just _friendship_ , something that wasn’t so innocent. However second-guesses were creeping into her mind as silence continued to pervade their hotel room.

Once again she had assumed wrong.

The thought made her blood run cold.

Why did she keep thinking and hoping that Tobin felt something for her.

Dejected and broken, Christen loosened her grasp of the jacket so the other girl could take the item back.

But Tobin didn’t.

“Yeah, I felt it too, Chris.” Tobin breathed out after a long beat.

Christen’s heart rate suddenly quickened as she whipped her head back up to meet Tobin's eyes.

“You did?!” Christen asked, words hurried, blood rushing back through her veins.

“Yeah.. I did.” Tobin smiled somewhat shyly taking the jacket out of Christen’s hands and discarding it on a nearby chair. “It was like.. pretty hard to ignore, you know?” Tobin said biting her bottom lip and scratching the back of her neck.  

_Tobin felt it too._

Whatever _it_ was.

For Christen, _it_ was a mixture of hope, anticipation, longing and aching which enveloped her entire body. She couldn’t categorise it into one emotion or one feeling, it wasn’t something that she’d ever experienced before and that _unknown_ aspect of how she felt, made Christen slightly anxious.

Christen liked to think she was in touch with who she was and how she felt, often meditating to ensure she knew her _inner-self_ as intimately as possible. But when it came to Tobin, no amount of meditation helped, no logical thought could explain the way she felt for the girl, regardless of how much she tried to ignore it. Everything about being with Tobin was new and exciting, from how Tobin was so carefree, living in her own world, on her own _Tobin-time._ It was the complete opposite to how Christen lived, and having that new way of living injected into her life had changed something within Christen, and she was happily embracing it. She never wanted it to leave, never knew how she survived before Tobin and her gigantic loving heart came into her life.

“I don't know if you'll believe me,” Tobin began, her confident facade returning as she pulled Christen out of her thoughts, “but remember that time you admitted you liked me for more than just..” Tobin said, gesturing at her body, with a wink.

Christen rolled her eyes.

 _Still so coy_.

“Well it wasn’t until after you told me that, and Shirley and I had got back together that it slowly dawned on me, that you made me feel things too…”

Christen’s eyes grew wide.

“I guess I’d never really thought about it before, and even back in Maryland I had just passed my feelings off as being attracted to you because.. well you practically look like a goddess.” Tobin laughed.

Christen rolled her eyes again, cheeks flushing from the compliment. She still hadn't forgotten or got over the time Tobin had called her _hot_.

“But that wasn’t _just_ it, so I thought the feelings were because of how much I respected your soccer skills and work ethic.” Tobin shrugged. “But when you admitted how you felt last year, something immediately clicked. And over the past year it became more and more obvious that I liked you for _more_ than that too, and more than _just_ sex. The truth is.. I feel something for you… _here_ ,”  Tobin said earnestly, as she dropped one of her hands and shakily took one of Christen’s to place over her own heart, “that I’ve never really felt before and I still can’t really explain. And honestly it scared me at first. So I ran from it, and told myself that we would be better off friends, and that Shirley was _the_ one for me. But I don’t want to lie to myself anymore, I don’t want to run from it anymore, it’s too exhausting trying to deny how I feel for you.”

Christen looked at Tobin completely dumbfounded.

She’d never realised. She’d never even thought that Tobin might’ve felt the same way. She had been so blinded by her own heartache she’d never once considered it. Tobin had never out-right said she didn’t have feelings for her, so maybe it was her own fault for jumping to conclusions that Tobin had only wanted her for a good bang.

Christen looked to where Tobin held her hand in place. She could feel the Tobin’s quickened heartbeat hammering away underneath her palm.

The intimacy of the moment made her head woozy. She felt drunk, even though she'd barely consumed any alcohol all night. The moment just didn't feel real.

Christen looked back up at Tobin’s face in an effort to ground herself.

She was met with earnest eyes, so open, and so calming.

“So, where do we stand.. what’s happening between..” Christen stammered, regretfully taking her hand back from Tobin’s chest and gesturing between the two of them.

Tobin sighed, loosely wrapping both of her arms around the Christen’s lower back, a move which Christen mirrored with Tobin.

“I don’t know.. all I do know is I want to be with _you_. But we don’t have to put a label on us tonight. We can talk it over in the morning when we’re like.. maybe less tired and more sober.” Tobin laughed lightly.

Christen grinned at Tobin's words. Pure elation took over her body.

Tobin and Christen stood in their loose embrace, dumbly smiling at each other, both content with wherever they'd just found them themselves in their relationship.

“Yeah, I’d like that.” Christen nodded. She knew a new day could help her work through all of her feelings and thoughts. “But to be honest.. I would say I’m pretty awake and pretty sober right now.” Christen continued, her voice distinctly lower than it just was before.

“Oh yeah?” Tobin asked, eyes twinkling. “Well do you have any ideas on what we could do considering you’re _so_ awake and _so_ sober right now?”

Christen smirked, pulling the girl in closer to her, breaths mingling. “I have a couple.”

“A couple, huh? Well, you’re more imaginative than me, I’ve only come up with one.” Tobin whispered into Christen’s ear before she started nibbling on the lobe, earning a groan from Christen.

“What did you have in mind then Miss Heath?” Christen barely breathed out as Tobin started sucking at her earlobe.

“I would really.. like to.. fuck you.” Tobin said between open mouthed kisses on Christen’s neck.

“How odd, cause.. that was one of the ideas I had too.” Christen replied, eyes rolling back at the feel of Tobin’s lips and tongue on her, her own hands repositioning to pull at Tobin’s long hair.

“Seems like we have a consensus then.” Tobin grinned into the girl's skin. She continued with her ministrations on Christen’s neck. Christen knew Tobin was probably leaving marks, already claiming Christen as hers, and that was setting her skin on fire.

“Seems like it.”

Christen wanted to take their time, having rushed the first two times they had slept together. She wanted to do their third night right. Lavish Tobin in kisses, draw out as much pleasure as possible, and show Tobin how much she _really_ liked her. She just hoped that her already quickening libido would allow her that.

Christen let go of Tobin’s hair and reached around behind herself to find the zipper of her dress — slowly undoing it and letting the dress slip from her body. It wasn’t until the garment hit the floor that it seemed Tobin had registered that Christen was standing half naked. Christen heard Tobin’s breath hitch as she pulled away from her neck, lust-filled eyes flickering up and down the newly-exposed body in front of her.

Christen’s face grew hot from the pair of eyes which watched her like prey. She felt so exposed, completely vulnerable under Tobin’s gaze. She was more than grateful when Tobin reached out to cup her cheek and connect their lips again in a familiar kiss.

The kiss was soft and tentative, but grew quickly in ferocity as Christen grabbed at Tobin’s shirt, slipping her tongue into Tobin’s mouth and tasting the girl for the first time in a year.

They both moaned.

Christen was so lost in Tobin’s motions that she hadn't noticed her legs had been slowly backed into a mattress, and she was being pushed down onto the edge of her double bed.

Tobin pulled back from her lips, making Christen crack open her eyes in slight dismay. Her dismay however turned quickly into lust as she saw Tobin whip off her T-shirt and jeans, and tie her hair up into a messy half-bun.

Christen's mouth gaped open as she eyed Tobin, admiring the body on display in front of her. The girl was effortlessly stunning, with the most alluring brown eyes. Glancing down at the girl's abs, Christen almost kicked herself for forgetting how fit Tobin was. And now Tobin and her very fit was body was hers — being offered up right in front of her to admire, to touch, to make come.

For the first time they were truly each others. No one else was in the picture, no Shirley, no suggestions of ‘ _it’ll only be a one time thing_ ’, nothing. It was just the two of them with vulnerable hearts and heavy sexual tension all mixing together in that one moment.

Meeting Tobin’s gaze again, she saw that the brown eyes were blown wide. Christen was sure her own eyes mirrored that of Tobin’s

And Christen was growing impatient.

Reaching out, Christen wrapped her arms around Tobin’s waist and pulled the girl towards herself. Caught off guard, Tobin quickly lost her balance, falling forward until she was straddling Christen on the bed, holding onto the taller girl’s shoulders for support.

For a moment they didn’t say anything, or do anything, they just gazed at each other, smiling contently, taking in the feeling of being so close together and unhurried.

“You’re so beautiful.” Tobin all-but blurted out, seemingly unable to contain herself. Christen’s cheeks reddened again as she shyly looked away. “No, no honestly babe, everything about you, is so stunning.” Tobin repeated, putting her forefinger under Christen’s chin and tilting her head so they were looking at each other again. A soft smile grew on Christen’s lips as Tobin bent down and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead.

“You’re one to talk, Miss ‘I have a fit body and cool tomboy aesthetic that everyone drools over’.” Christen jested back. She always found it difficult to take compliments, especially from the girl currently straddling her, so she figured she would put it back onto Tobin.

“Oh, is that what people say about me? I’m pretty fit I suppose.” Tobin said with her signature childlike-smug grin

“No, it’s just what you mumble in your sleep. Everyone else just thinks you’re a nerd.”

Tobin frowned. Christen almost wanted to laugh at how adorable she looked.

“Babe, I don’t sleep talk and you know it. Also, there's nothing wrong with being a nerd.” Tobin defended herself in mock-hurt.

“I might have to disagree with your second point there.” Christen laughed.

“Oh yeah? Hmm..” Tobin hummed staring Christen down with a playful smile, “what about when they do this?” Tobin said bending down to kiss the tip of Christen’s nose. Christen’s eyes fluttered closed at the gentle contact.

“Gross nerd.” The words were breathy.

“What about when they do this?” Tobin said, rolling her hips into Christen, creating friction. Christen did her best to suppress her groan by biting her lip. She could feel herself heating up, her mind was going foggy.

“Grossest nerd.”

“Yeah?” Tobin said simultaneously nibbling on the top of Christen’s ear and rolling her hips again, receiving an unsuppressed moan this time.

“Yeah..” Christen breathed out, eyes still closed and hands tightening around Tobin’s waist.

“I think the wetness between your thighs begs to differ, babe.” Tobin husked. Sure enough, Christen could feel her underwear soaking.

Tobin continued grinding her hips teasingly as Christen squirmed and attempted to pretend how unaffected she was. Once again however, Christen’s body was betraying her head, and her body began rocking with Tobin’s, trying to create more friction and find some release. The sensation of their bodies rubbing up against each other was almost too overwhelming for her. She was sure she could come right there from Tobin’s actions if the girl kept going.

Christen wasn’t enjoying that realisation.

Not the realisation that she was being grinded on by the girl who she’d been infatuated with since she was at College, oh she was very much enjoying _that_. But _she_ was meant to be in control tonight, _not_ Tobin, she wanted to make Tobin come first, and the frustration of her lack of control was starting to get to her.

Christen fell backwards against the bed, making Tobin lose her balance once again. Tobin tumbled forward, barely bracing her fall by reaching her arms out on either side of Christen’s head. Tobin’s reaction was exactly what Christen had anticipated. Before the older girl could fully register what had happened, Christen rolled them over so they were lying down the length of the bed, Christen on top, her legs on either side of Tobin’s and her hands pinning Tobin’s, above her head.

“Wow, that was kinda hot.” Tobin said grinning and slightly breathless.

Christen just shook her head and chuckled, leaning down to place the softest of kisses on Tobin’s lips, then pulling back again.

“Is that all I get?” Tobin pouted, her bottom lip extending further than usual. Her pout didn’t last for long however as Christen rolled her hips into Tobin’s, grinding hard into the other girl.

“Fuck!” Tobin spluttered out.

Happy to have wiped the ridiculous although adorable pout from Tobin’s lips, Christen leaned back down again to reconnect their lips, and began kissing Tobin with bruising intensity. She wanted to convey to Tobin how much she wanted the night, _needed_ the night.

Christen’s hips continued to grind into Tobin’s, and the other girl met the movements, moving her hips upwards. As Christen continued her movements, she let go of Tobin’s hands and unclasped her own bra, throwing it to the side of the bed. Her hands returned to Tobin’s, wrapping them around the midfielder’s back and pulling her upright. Tobin got the hint, pulling herself forward so Christen could get gain access to the back of her bra and unclasp and discard the item as well.

Tobin fell back onto the bed, whilst Christen propped herself back over the girl, not relenting with the continuous teasing. She could feel nails dig into her back and hear Tobin's breath, heavy, as she continued to create more friction with her hips. Christen wasn't immune to her own doings either, she could feel pressure building once more at her core, and her eyes were closing in ecstasy.

Christen kissed her way down to Tobin’s chest and newly exposed breasts.

Wrapping her mouth around an already hardened nipple, Christen dragged a free hand down from Tobin’s neck towards the other breast. She could feel goosebumps appear where her fingers lingered. Christen kneaded one breasts with her hand and licked and sucked at the other, drawing long moans from the midfielder. She lavished the breasts with all her affection.

“Babe please..” Tobin eventually begged, eyes pleading as she pulled Christen’s head into her chest encouragingly.

Feeling like she’d prolonged the teasing enough, Christen released Tobin’s breasts and moved downwards towards where she knew Tobin needed her the most. She hooked a finger to the side of Tobin’s last piece of clothing and dragged the drenched underwear down her legs, where Tobin promptly kicked them off.

Crawling back up towards the apex of Tobin’s legs, Christen couldn’t help but notice the glisten of the girl’s folds. She had missed that, both seeing Tobin so turned on for her, and inhaling her sweet scent. Christen leant down and kissed the spot right below Tobin’s navel and climbed back upwards so her eyes were level with Tobin’s once again. Tobin pouted once again.

“Are you—” was all that Tobin managed to say before she took a sudden breath in.

With one slow glide of her right hand, Christen slipped the tips of her fingers through Tobin's folds. She could feel how dripping wet the girl was. More panting and moans came from Tobin's mouth as she writhed under her touch — moving her hands from Christen’s head to fisting the bed sheets to cope. Christen buried her head into the crook of Tobin’s neck, leaving her hand near Tobin’s core, but unmoving.

“You’re soaking wet, babe.” Christen smiled into the girl’s neck.

“Only for you Chris... just for you.” Came a breathless reply as Tobin attempted to rock her hips into Christen’s hand placed so tantalisingly close to her entrance but too far away to do anything.

Christen took the hint, but instead of moving her hand closer to Tobin’s entrance, moved her hand upwards and began rubbing small circles on Tobin’s clit.

“Fuck.”

Christen could feel Tobin’s chest move up and down, as she worked the girl up.

“Is that okay, babe?” Christen drawled out. Her hand still making circular movements on Tobin’s sensitive bud.

“Uh huh, _more_ … than.. okay...” Tobin breathed hard, barely audible.

“Still okay?” Christen asked as she slid one finger downwards through Tobin’s slick folds and into her core. She was pretty sure she already knew the answer.

“ _Yeah_.” It was more of a groan than anything.

Christen grinned.

She began a slow rhythm, sliding her finger in and out only partially. She loved the power she had over Tobin. Flirting didn’t even come close to how powerful she felt physically teasing Tobin as she was.

“More... _please.. Chris._ ” Tobin panted impatiently, moving her hips in sync with Christen’s fingers, unsuccessfully attempting to deepen Christen’s finger.

Christen inserted another finger into Tobin, slowly pumping in and out, letting the girl get used to her fingers. Christen could feel her own arousal now dripping by her underwear and down the inside of her thighs. Between that and hearing Tobin's moaning, and smelling her sweet scent, Christen knew it would take little to make herself come.

Christen slowly inserted another finger, rubbing the girl’s throbbing clit with her thumb at the same time.  

“Fuck, Chris!” Tobin yelled out, turning her head to the side and gasping for air as she pulled Christen in closer to her.

Tobin’s walls were tight around her fingers, but as she continued to move her digits in and out she could feel her easily adjusting.

“Do you know how long I’ve thought about this, Tobin? Or how many nights I’ve spent touching myself.. imagining you were there, wishing you were there?” Christen breathlessly mumbled into Tobin’s neck. “You have no idea.” She continued her rhythmic thrusting using her own hips to apply more pressure. “I haven’t stopped thinking about this since our first night together,” They were both almost completely out of breath now. “I didn’t think I’d have another chance with you.” Christen could feel Tobin’s walls slowly closing around her fingers, as she continued to pump them in and out.

“I’m yours, Chris.” Tobin barely rasped out. “I’m completely — _yours_ ,” Tobin repeated, her back beginning to arch off the bed. “I promise.. this time.”

Christen could feel Tobin was almost ready to come, so with one quick action she curled her fingers inside Tobin and slid her thumb against the girl’s clit one last time.

Tobin came immediately, her walls closing, sucking in Christen’s fingers, and pulsing.

Christen pulled her head back slightly to watch Tobin’s face contort in ecstasy. _That's_ what she could do to Tobin. _That_ was Tobin lost in pure bliss because of _her._  She'd never seen anything more beautiful.

Strangled moans mixed with Christen’s name escaped Tobin’s mouth.

Christen continued pumping her fingers in out as Tobin rode out her orgasm, slowing down her pace until Tobin’s breathing returned to somewhat normal.

“Wow.” Tobin breathed out after a beat.

Christen couldn’t help but grin as she slowly pulled out her fingers and rolled off the girl — propping herself up on an elbow to admire Tobin’s post-coitus glow.

“You really ought to expand your vocabulary, babe.” Christen chuckled, remembering how Tobin had used that very word the first time they were together.

“Okay, well.. how about I say something else instead.. like..” Tobin began, looking like she was thinking hard as she scratched her head in faux deep thought, “hmm.. _my_ turn.” She grinned, rolling over and propping herself on top of Christen.

Christen groaned at Tobin’s cheesy line, but she would admit it though — Tobin Heath _was_ endearing. She was no longer going to blame any alcohol for the admission. Because the truth was, she adored every single thing about Tobin.

And knowing and understanding that made her heart feel full for the first time.

For she was Tobin’s, and Tobin was hers.

And she wasn't going to let Tobin go for anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And with that we've reached the end of this little journey!  
> I welcome any feedback y'all have. :)
> 
> Thank you so much for all the kudos, wonderful comments/discussions and just generally reading. It truly means a lot to me! :)  
> Mostly though, thank you for taking a chance on me and my 14k words! <3


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